Tag: Docetaxel

Breast cancer lesson number 115: Think positive and positive things will happen

On By Jackie ScullyIn Baking, Chemotherapy, Happiness4 Comments

Strange as it may sound, I am starting to enjoy chemo day. This has nothing to do with being hooked up to toxic drugs and a saline solution (oh yes, the beautiful saline) or visiting the hospital (third day in a row) and everything to do with the positive routine I have established for myself.

Image

It starts – after a steroid-fuelled restless night – with the baking. Today, we tried out a chemo cookie recipe from one of mum’s beautiful friends alongside an experimental lemon and ginger muffin recipe (complete with ginger and rhubarb jam tucked away inside). Both were topped off with a drizzle of melted lemon chocolate. It always feels good to do something for other people and the thanks I got at the unit today meant the world to me. I know some of the cookies ended up as one nurse’s lunch (she was too busy for a break). I also got a wonderful phone call earlier thanking me for my latest pink heart, so I have pretty much smiled all day long.

Image

Next up is a good walk. By Sunday, I will probably find it increasingly hard to get round Greenwich Park due to the bone and muscle pain, so today is a good day to make the most of my legs while they are still working! In the absence of tastebuds, exercise has been my comfort eating. I do it to feel better and it is certainly does wonders for the waistline and the soul.

People often worry about what to eat before chemo. For me, I like to keep things simple. A bran-based brekkie keeps the constipation at bay and a simple lunch (with an afternoon appointment) means you go well fed, but without having eaten anything you’d avoid for life if you saw it again. My time at the chemo unit is always packed with planned-in treats!

By the time I reach the hospital, I am ready for action.

For those who have never been to a cancer day unit (and I hope if you haven’t, you never will), here is a quick glimpse behind the scenes:

1)     First you arrive, book in, hand over your appointment card and receive a hospital wristband in return (printed out of special wristband paper).

2)     Next, you wait in the lounge (this time in front of Wimbledon) until the drugs have been delivered and the chair is ready.

3)     Once in the chair, the nurse allocated to your zone takes your blood pressure and checks the oxygen levels in your blood.

4)     Providing all is well, the anti-sickness meds (Emend and Domperidone in my case) are administered.

5)     Once they’ve settled in the stomach, the PICC line is flushed and the drugs are hooked up to both a pump (so they can be released over time) and the PICC tube.

6)     Then (with Docetaxel), you get a good hour to eat (lollies and muffins), drink (tea, water and hot water) and chat.

7)     Summoned by incessant beeping from the pump, the nurse comes back to do a final saline flush.

8)     After everything has been disconnected, the rucksack-sized pharmacy bag arrives, complete with eight injections, and enough pills to make your stomach rattle.

9)     Before being released, the last job is to pick up the appointment card. We think mine may have gone home with another Jackie, so I had a nice new one to take home today.

And that’s it. Providing you don’t have an allergic reaction to the drugs, it is a fairly pleasant experience.

Back home, I am happy in the knowledge I have five behind me and just one poison to go. I have started planning my last chemo day (let’s ignore the fact I have radio and 10 years of hormone therapy for the moment) and I am pretty excited. This is the last cycle that ends with another poisoning. And that means the end of chemo (albeit six weeks away) is finally in sight.

It’s been a happy Friday for me. And, I hope it has been a happy Friday for you too!

Breast cancer lesson number 114: Keep your face to the sunshine and you won’t see the shadows

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy, HappinessLeave a comment

With four rounds under my belt, the day before chemo is now less a time for thinking about the side effects desperate to keep me awake over the next two weeks, and more a chance to enjoy a bit of normality before the poison starts to flow. With chemo five scheduled for 2pm tomorrow, I’m feeling positive.

The good news is I know what to expect. And the bad news? It’s Tax and not FEC that awaits me in the chair (who would have thought I’d be craving pink rather than sugary sweet pee)! Three weeks ago, I was pumped up on steroids worried (and rightly so) about the new Docetaxel regime and the impact it would have on my body and my life. Three weeks on, having narrowly avoided A & E and experienced a whole raft of side effects (bone pain to me feels like my bones are growing out of my skin, which is certainly an unusual feeling), I am ready for the next one. When you don’t know what’s coming, it’s hard to prepare. Now, I fully intend to take painkillers and fluconazole before I get any side effects, to stop them in their tracks. After all, prevention is better than cure.

Image

So what do you do on a pain-free and as-normal-as-you-can-feel-on-chemo day? With steroids egging me on, I have cleaned, written pink heart messages for two of my medical team, had a massage, enjoyed a rather exciting yoghurt shake and, most importantly, made the most of the sunshine. Together with a walk to the train (I walk to the third station on the line now not the one behind my house to help the weight and the wallet) and a jog/walk around the park, my mum and I have banked around 15km. She thinks she comes up to care for me and what actually happens is she gets roped into a workout! Right now, I feel I could take on the world, but I think I will just focus on taking on the clear toxic infusion that’s dying to find its way into my PICC line.

Image

Thank you sunshine for giving me the motivation to hit the training ground (aka Greenwich Park) and keep my spirits up. And, thank you mum for keeping me company. I am £15 off my £1,000 fundraising target and I hope that, barring a big infection or debilitating side effects, I will be on the start line (and the finish line) on 13 July to do my bit for Breast Cancer Care. I feel proud of myself that, before my diagnosis, I had never thought about (let alone trained for) a 10k. I also feel proud that I am exercising more on chemo than before it! That’s certainly a reason to smile, even on a cloudy day.

Chemo, I feel fit and I feel ready (just ginger baking left to go). After tomorrow, there will be one left to go!

Breast cancer lesson number 113: Being strong sometimes means not holding back the tears, but letting them fall

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy, Happiness7 Comments

Today, I took my brave face and my busting-at-the-seams pink notebook – complete with list of side effects from Tax – to the oncology clinic. As I sat there reading them out and describing the last three weeks, however, that brave face quickly fell away.

Image

Knowing that this is the first day of my #100happydays project (you can read lesson 112 here to find out more), you’re probably thinking I’ve had a bit of a false start. But, I have to say that having a good cry in front of my oncology nurse was actually rather liberating.

It’s often hard to successfully describe symptoms when you’re no longer experiencing them. But tears never lie. Reliving the panic I felt the night my temperature spiked teased out those teardrops. Describing just how hard it is to spot the symptoms and determine what is and isn’t serious accounted for more than a few extra drops. And, discovering that my liver may be struggling with the chemo and that they may need to lower to dose to stop it being damaged permanently, certainly increased the flow. (Fingers are crossed for Friday chemo). 

For me, these tears were an acknowledgement of the fact cancer has shown me just how fragile life really is. One day you’re just another person trying to decide which kind of breakfast cereal to try. And then all of a sudden you’re a patient with no hair, clutching a thermometer hoping you don’t have a potentially fatal complication. That is, after you’ve got rid of the cancer! Life is fragile and oh so precious. And, having a good cry about that fact made me feel so much better. 

I did learn a few interesting facts once I had wiped away the tears. Firstly, when on Tax, the temperature thing is a slight red herring. Not hitting 38 degrees that night was no reason not to call the out-of-hours registrar. If you feel unwell, you need to pick up the phone. I also learned that, as well as lowering the dosage, they can transfer me to a drug called Paclitaxel (on a weekly infusion) to try and lessen the side effects. The prospect of another six chemos instead of two made me resist this option, but it may be something to revisit if chemo five is as brutal as four. I also learned that I should carry tissues more often. NHS paper towels aren’t so kind on the eyes! (Coincidentally, the opportunity to buy some came moments later on the train home when I was approached by a lady selling them to feed her children. Good will and soft tissues works for me.)

Of course, I did find more than a few happy moments to offset the tears. I had a good chat with the nurse about her PHD and how different patients respond to the same information. I had a lovely cup of tea in Greenwich with a thoughtful friend (who bought me such beautiful flowers), received a beautiful e-card from another and have just spent the last few hours eating birthday cake (not constantly I hasten to add) and watching my nephew (to be) stack plastic doughnuts. The icing set nicely on the cake too. In a strange way, being reminded of the fragility of life made me even more grateful for the little details it had to share with me today.

Image

We, none of us, are guaranteed a tomorrow. But that doesn’t mean we should hide our tears today.

There is also no greater smile than the one someone gifts you when you still have tears in your eyes.

Breast cancer lesson number 110: See the everyday in a new way

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy2 Comments

On the train yesterday, when I realised the girl opposite was drinking something that smelled just like the sugary sweet pee created by injecting Docetaxel into your veins, it suddenly hit me. Life will forever be filled with both obvious and surprising triggers waiting to transport me back to cancer in a heartbeat.

Joining this turquoise-coloured soft drink (goodness knows what it was but I hope I never smell it again) is the smell of mouldy oranges. For me, I will now always associate that not-so-fragrant odour with the smell of saline. For anyone who has their PICC line flushed weekly, my thoughts are with you when that little solution goes in. I can taste it and I hope, once the line comes out in a month’s time, to never taste it again. I certainly won’t be going anywhere near a mouldy orange, that’s for sure.

Of course, it’s not just smells. Then we have sounds. I can no longer look at my fridge in the same way. Leave the door open just a second too long and it beeps like a chemo pump when the drug bag is empty. For anyone who has visited a chemo unit, the sound of pumps beeping (always at slightly different times and never in unison) is something that stays with you long after the PICC line valve has been closed. And don’t get me started about my cancer anthem. I love Pharrell William’s Happy, but why do I have to hear it (other than through my iPod) on important cancer days (diagnosis day being the first). Don’t get me wrong, as anthems go, it’s a goodie. I am certainly grateful it’s nothing morbid, like Hurt or Sister Morphine. 

And what about those sights? The Shard, The Houses of Parliament, Southbank, the Thames Clipper (a commuter boat on the river) and the lamppost opposite our house. Once just London landmarks (ok I appreciate the lamppost won’t be making it onto a city tour any time soon), they are now markers in my cancer journey. Even Big Ben is no longer just a bell (yes, folks not a clock or a clock tower, a bell). It’s the bell that kept me company on those long nights after DIEP surgery.

Cancer has even given activities, such as painting my nails, a purpose. How will I ever paint them again without reminding myself of the darkened and brittle nails I was once trying to cover up.

Image

Maybe it’s no bad thing. Maybe, instead of fearing the smells or launching at the fridge when I am unloading the grocery shopping, I should embrace them, safe in the knowledge that the everyday is still the everyday and I am lucky enough to be here to enjoy it. Maybe I should hug the freezer rather than shutting it, reminding me every day to keep embracing the little details of my life, knowing how quickly and how silently they can be taken away. 

A sound many trigger a memory of cancer, but a memory is all it will be.

 

Breast cancer lesson number 106: If you can’t smile at the needle, smile at the science behind it

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy, Happiness1 Comment

Before starting chemotherapy, I, like the rest of the world, was familiar with the idea of taking a drug to relieve a symptom. But taking a drug to relieve a symptom caused by taking a drug does take some getting used to. And, what about taking a drug to relieve a symptom caused by taking a drug to relieve a symptom caused by taking a drug?! Well the mind just boggles. 

Image

Take Docetaxel as an example. I was feeling fine (in cancer terms) before this toxic little cocktail came along. Docetaxel causes the number of white blood cells in your blood to do a nosedive. So, along come eight Granulocyte colony stimulating factor (G-CSF) injections to encourage the bone marrow to get busy producing more. With the injections comes bone pain, for which painkillers are prescribed. That’s a nice little drugs chain to get your head around. It actually got me thinking about what the longest drug chain reaction might be. If you can top this, wow, and I’m very sorry.  

You could view this ever-increasing list of pills and potions the doctors are prepared to prescribe as confirmation that chemo is a pretty brutal regime. For me, however, it serves more as a reminder of just how amazing medicine really is 

While I can’t say I look forward to injecting myself with a drug that ages me physically in a matter of hours, I have to admire the science. The fridge and I have become acquainted with many types of needle-related devices in recent months and this little one (even if it doesn’t produce babies) is pretty nifty. You pull off the cap, depress the plunger and when you take it out of your tummy, the spring at the front opens up to enclose the needle. Clever and safety conscious. I like its style!

Image

So, if you’re having trouble facing those nightly injections, now is the time to think less about the needle and more about the amazing people tucked away in their labs researching and inventing new drugs – and new ways of administering them – so that we might sleep a little better at night. It may not be fun, but it would be even less fun if they didn’t exist.

Three cheers for injections and the injection makers! Five down, 19 to go!

Breast cancer lesson number 105: What the chemo consent forms won’t tell you!

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy4 Comments

I have made a discovery. There are certain chemo side effects that don’t appear on factsheets and hospital consent forms. That’s not because they don’t exist, but because patients and consultants alike would have to endure a certain amount of embarrassment to reveal them.

They may not be groundbreaking and they’re certainly not on a scale of peripheral neuropathy or fatigue. But, I believe any side effect that brings about a physical change (embarrassing or otherwise) should be noted down so that a) we don’t all think we’re bonkers when it happens and b) we go into the entire process knowing there might be a few laughs along the way. So that’s what I’m about to do.

Before I begin, I think I should start with an apology, particularly to my loyal male readers. The following post may take you to places you’d really rather you didn’t know existed. There is about to be what one might call an element of oversharing. Trust me, it is not indulgent. It is medical. While I think it wrong to apologise for the route I am about to take, I can confirm that I will be containing it to a single blog post, so you don’t have to concern yourself with a repeat performance. Who knows? You might just find it funny.

I think it is fair to say that I’m not surprised certain side effects do not get a public airing. It takes me back to my hip surgery days. I remember waking up from the operation to find that my nether regions had been dyed a rather peculiar shade of purple. It was also a rather permanent type of dye, which meant I had to live with my alien-like hue for quite a while before the colour grew out. I had been prepared for the pain, the discomfort and the lack of weight bearing. I had not been prepared to laugh every time I took a shower.

Thoroughly amused by this turn of events, I raised the point at a focus group about patient care as a way of demonstrating that even the smallest of details are worth mentioning to help people deal with recovery. The patients all nodded in agreement as if reminding themselves of the discovery. The nurses laughed. And the surgeon? Well, he explained that they must have been out of the orange dye that week!

I am afraid to say it is this same region that has triggered my search for the secret chemo side effects everyone has, but no one dares to declare. Having never had a Brazilian wax, I was rather intrigued at the possibility of losing my hair on areas other than my head. But, I have to confess, it brought with it a rather unusual problem. Without being too crude, it seems the hair does help in a directional sense and its absence means you have to be vigilant (particularly if you have a tendency to crouch in public loos). Initially I thought it was just me, but having mentioned it to a few select ears (and done some rather entertaining Googling), it seems I am on to something! Now why didn’t the oncologist mention that when he was telling me about coping with hair loss! It may not warrant a whole fact booklet, but I think it deserves a paragraph. And, as an aside for women who trim regularly, I would urge you all to stop.

On the subject of hair loss, I think it strange that the advice tends to focus on the hair, eyelashes and the eyebrows. What about nose hair?! While losing the hair on your head is not to be recommended (unless you really do like the idea of trying out every short style you never dare attempt), it is manageable. Losing the hair in your nose, however, makes it look like you are dining on a diet of curries and hot foods.

And then there’s the growing back bit! While I am yet to enjoy this rather hairy experience, I am led to believe that the hair doesn’t always remember where it’s supposed to grow. I have heard of people shaving their big toes and not their armpits!

Why is it that everyone goes on about Epirubicin and the dreaded ‘pink pee’, but nobody talks or writes about Docetaxel and the ‘sweet pee’? I’d take coloured pee any day over something that smells like an overstocked sweetie store. For those of you about to embark on this taxing drug, you have been warned!

Even products designed to alleviate some of the more well-reported side effects, such as hot flushes, don’t offer up the full picture. I have been wearing the Ladycare magnet in my knickers for a week or so now in an attempt to get a good night of sleep. I am not sure it has reduced my sweats, but it has managed to attach me to everything from my dessert spoon to my door keys. Thankfully a kind friend warned me of this, so I wasn’t too alarmed when it happened for the first time. I don’t really like the idea of being joined at the hip with all metal items in the neighbourhood.

I should also mention that there are also positive side effects that I would have loved to have been told about upfront to balance things a bit. The consent form should say: ‘by signing up to this course of chemotherapy drugs please be advised that your skin will become silky smooth and soft.’

I should probably stop here before I lose all my followers. But, let me leave you with a few final thoughts. To all medical professionals out there, fear not the embarrassing, blush-inducing side effects! If we’re going to sign off a seven-page consent form, it is best to make it thorough! And to all cancer patients, please open up about those secret side effects (post here or make your oncologist blush).

Because, chances are, the person sitting next to you in the waiting room is experiencing them too.

Breast cancer lesson number 104: Small steps can make a big difference

On By Jackie ScullyIn Charity, Chemotherapy, Happiness4 Comments

If you’d asked me at about 4am this morning, what I hoped would be my achievement of the day, I would have said getting out of bed. With muscle aches, bone pain, a sore throat, tingling in my toes and my feet and a continued sense of emptiness, I woke up today – or rather decided it was morning – thinking it might be just one of those days when it would be ok to lose myself in a good book and a packet of painkillers and try again tomorrow. Sat in the evening sunshine with a smile on my face, however, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

There are two reasons why I made it out of my pyjamas and decided to fight the fatigue. Firstly, I had a dentist appointment. Usually, just the thought of those blue gloves and shining implements would be enough to tempt me back under the covers. But, having looked after me so well before chemotherapy, I felt I really should make the effort (especially given the surgery is about two minutes from my front door). It was a rather nice experience in a way, although I confess this had less to do with the shiny tools and more to do with the fact the chair worked wonders for my pains, almost hugging my body as it tilted me closer to the dentist. You know it’s bad when you look to the dentist for a bit of comfort!

The second reason is a little closer to my heart. Today, I had a rather important message to deliver and I’d promised myself I would do my utmost to get out of my fluffy slippers and deliver it – pain or no pain. And, that’s exactly what I did.

So, at 1pm today, I wasn’t surrounded by cushions, but a group of business women on their lunch hour all waiting to hear what I had to say about boob checking and why ‘copping a feel’ might just save their lives.

Image

If you’ve been following my journey you’ll know that I took the decision early on not to count the days until the end of active treatment, but to make every day count (click here to read lesson 68 where I explain a bit more). Giving back for me isn’t just about raising money, dusting off my trainers and hitting the city streets (although that is still crucial and you can still sponsor me here). It’s about using every bit of my experience to make a difference. Today that meant putting on a Boobette jacket for the amazing charity CoppaFeel and striking up a healthy conversation about boobs. Today that meant encouraging people to make boob checking a part of their daily lives. Today that meant burying my pain in a pill packet and reinforcing the work of dedicated founder Kris Hallenga, who has a treatable, but incurable form of the disease.

As I stood in front of those women, I knew that even if they didn’t remember the slides, the number to text or the latest breast cancer statistics, they might just remember the woman who stood before them with a hot flush, a funny hat and a desire to make a difference. I thought my message might be that little bit more powerful if I was speaking with toxic drugs in my system. I think I was right.

So, ask me what my achievement of the day is now and I’ll probably overlook the getting out of bed part (although I’ll admit, it was key). Back in my fluffy slippers now, I can rest easy knowing I did my bit to stamp out the late detection of breast cancer and give young women the confidence to go to the doctor. 

I’d like to say that had earned me a lie-in, but I have pilates first thing! Here’s hoping the pain starts to ease soon! 

NB: By the way, if you’d like to find out more about CoppaFeel and even get a visit from a Boobette at your workplace or school, please do get in touch. I am on Boobette training at the weekend, so will be a fully-fledged volunteer come Saturday!

Breast cancer lesson number 103: Tax by name, taxing by nature

On By Jackie ScullyIn Chemotherapy3 Comments

Chemo drug Docetaxel (which sounds more like a dinosaur than a toxic infusion) certainly lives up to its more commonly used name ‘Tax’. The side effects appear deliberately complicated, just the mention of it makes most people go a bit pale and the administration of it usually brings about pain. Whether you’re paying it, or receiving it intravenously, tax is no fun.

It started so well – although I think this had more to do with the extra helpings of steroids, which did give me the feeling I could take on the world (or at least the kitchen floor)! There was no nausea (thank you Emend). And, for the first 48 hours I had little more than mini bouts of fatigue, disturbed sleep, hot flushes and a general sense of unease. I had started to think we were going to get on.

Then, at around 4pm yesterday afternoon, the picture changed. All of a sudden, I went from Duracell bunny to flat battery. I lost my taste in the space of about half an hour. I ate early, was in my pyjamas by 6pm and drifted through the last Harry Potter film before making it to bed at a less-than-respectable 8.30pm. I had my first bone pain inducing injection. I wrestled with the bedding, got hot, got cold, got stiff, got up and eventually rolled out of bed when I couldn’t think of anything else to do to get comfy.

Six hours on and I am still trying to work out exactly how I feel. Strangely, it’s like my limbs feel heavy, but my body feels empty. I’m finding it hard to focus and everything from my back and my boobs to my sternum hurts a little bit – like someone is slowly tightening a band around me. I’d like to say I was having a nice time sat here in the garden with the light breeze on my neck. But, it’s not particularly fun.

And, the worst part is, I’m not sure what’s round the corner. I know there are another seven injections to come in this round and that injections mean pain. I know the steroids are over so there is nothing to help me with the housework or the cooking (when my lovely mum heads home). And, I now think I know what chronic fatigue is really all about – and I really wish I didn’t.

I’ve been warned that this drug is tough. All I’m hoping is that I am just that little bit tougher!

I think it’s going to be a long week!

Breast cancer lesson number 102: It’s better to give than receive, particularly on chemo day!

On By Jackie ScullyIn Baking, Chemotherapy, HappinessLeave a comment

Having been awake pretty much all night on a steroid-induced high (thanks to the dosage being doubled), I wasn’t expecting today to be as productive or as enjoyable as it has been. Especially with the words: ‘Docetaxel cycle one’ ringing in my ears.

The good thing about steroids, however, is they don’t stop working when you wake up. With four more at breakfast, I was answering emails, sweeping the floor, clearing papers and popping my next batch of chemo cookies in the oven (this time using a recipe all the way from Germany) all before 9am. I could have run (well, maybe jog a bit) all the way to the hospital, but instead decided it might be wiser to conserve my energy and just take a leisurely walk to the train in the sunshine through Greenwich Park.

Image

Image

For me, today was as much about giving as it was receiving, and that fact makes me smile. I handed over a tin of sugary ginger cookie treats to the cancer day unit and wore my Breast Cancer Care T-shirt to raise awareness of this superb charity (click here to find out what they’re up to or visit my Justgiving page to help me raise funds to support their great work). In return, I got a slow-release infusion of T (the drug is administered over a longer period, with no red syringes in sight), some anti-sickness meds (including miracle worker Emend), eight pre-filled syringes to start self-injecting on Sunday (to boost my immune system) and what I can only describe as the world’s largest sharps box! It needed its own bag to carry it home.

Image

How do I feel now? A bit tired, a bit anxious about how the next week will pan out, but otherwise fine. The calm before the storm is a strange place, and I just hope the storm doesn’t involve nausea, chronic fatigue, bone pain, muscle pain, mouth problems and peripheral neuropathy. I have survived the first part by not having an immediate allergic reaction to the new drug. And, I have done what I can to lessen the side effects. I have had some exercise, taken my pills, sucked on a rather strange mango and passionfruit (or at least that’s what it said it was on the packet) ice lolly while the drugs went in (it’s a bit like the cold cap for the mouth, but more bearable if you actually suck on something flavoursome) and am now relaxing in the garden with a scarf over my head and shoulders so I don’t get exposed to the beautiful sunshine.

The good news? The cookies went down well (so much so I couldn’t locate the tin), the cancer day unit makes me feel like I am returning to see old friends and, at last, I got the free lunch I have heard so much about. There wasn’t a lump of mash in sight sadly, but they didn’t scrimp on the ham. I even returned home to a wonderful parcel of hats from a new friend I met at Breast Cancer Care’s Younger Women Together event back in May.

I am strong, so let’s just hope I am stronger than the drugs currently working their way around my body.

Only time will tell.

Wish me luck!  

Breast cancer lesson number 101: Nothing takes the past away like the future

On By Jackie ScullyIn Brighter Life List, Chemotherapy, Happiness2 Comments

Change is afoot in the Sloan/Scully household. Now by this, you might think I’m referring to the fact I’m about to start chemo drug Docetaxel. But, there is actually something far more newsworthy happening that I feel I really must mention. The three-piece suite that has been comforting my bottom for the last 21 years – and that I vowed would never make it through our front door in Greenwich – is now outside our house waiting to be taken away.

Image

Now we are actually parting with my parents’ old grey sofa (complete with embroidered leaves) I do feel a twinge of sadness. We’ve had some good times (curries, TV dinners and movie nights) and some bad times (it’s not good for sleeping on and it has swallowed up a few too many coins). But, overall, it’s been a pretty good sofa. Until Saturday, we are now sofa-less and all I hope is that the new one fits through the door. I’m not sure I fancy recovering from chemo cycle four on the floor!

That brings me neatly to the real subject of today’s blog. Tomorrow marks the official halfway point (not the unofficial one I claimed in lesson 88) in my chemo treatment. Out go red syringes and pink pee and back comes the fear of the unknown I thought I’d left behind in lesson number 49. How am I going to feel by Friday evening? Chances are, it won’t be as well as I feel right now (and by well I mean not in pain). 

Chemo cycle four does sound a lot closer to the end than chemo cycle one, but as the first cycle of my new drug, it feels as though I am right back at the beginning. There are, however, two key differences. Firstly, I’m not as healthy as I was when I started the first course. Will that have an impact? I’ll let you know. And secondly, while I don’t know what side effects will pop up to taunt me, I do know that it’s often the ones you least fear that are the ones that get you the most. I feared the vomiting on FEC. I should have feared the mouth ulcers and the loss of taste! 

I have heard that swapping FEC for Tax (as it is often known) is like swapping a stomach bug for a flu bug. It is likely I won’t vomit, but the muscle and bone pain don’t sound particularly pleasant. Apparently, the muscle pain is caused by the chemo drug itself and comes on in the first week. The bone pain is added in by the injections I have to administer from day 3 to help boost the number of white blood cells in my body (oh yes, this one wreaks even more havoc with the immune system). At least when I was self-injecting for fertility treatment I got eggs at the end of it. Sounds like all I get is pain this time (not sure I will be able to feel my boosted immune system). The list of side effects is long, so let’s just hope the drug is kind. I even get more steroids, which will either help me with the spring cleaning or the piling on of pounds!

The day before my first chemo, I wrote down ten chemo tips I was keen to test. Here’s a quick glimpse into how I’ve got on so far…

1)  Dark nail polish: I’ve painted it on and so far my nails have not fallen off, so I will claim a victory. My big toe is a little on the dark side (under the polish), so let’s hope they last the course. I also have interesting nails for the first time, so even without the
benefits, dark colours work for me.

2)  Sleep caps: They certainly catch stray strands of hair, but they do make it a little tricky to manage those hot flushes. I love wearing them when I am really cold though, even if I look a bit like a gnome!

3)  Senna (or your favourite poo-charming substance): Who needs Senna when there’s All Bran in the house! Ok, so I used it once when I couldn’t remember if I had ‘been’ and then regretted it. It is a handy item to have on standby, but you can’t beat a few mouthfuls of bran with your brekkie!

4)  Flavoured water and ice lollies: It’s nearly summer, so I now have two reasons to eat ice lollies. While I wouldn’t recommend frozen grapes (tried them on chemo 3 to keep my mouth in check and they tasted a bit too weird), I think there is a lot to be said for sucking on something cold while the chemo drugs are going in. It’s a lovely sugary distraction!

5)  Inflatable bath pillow: I think I need to stay in the bath a bit longer. I am still a bit of a speed washer.

6)  Toweling robe: Love it! Not sure I love it because of chemo, but I love it all the same. Who couldn’t love a soft, fluffy robe?!

7)  Queasy drops: Tick! They taste nice, they distract me from thinking about nausea and I don’t get bored eating them.

8)  Pineapple chunks: I would go as far as to say that they taste even better on chemo. Same goes for blueberries and strawberries – and extra strong mints of course!

9)  Ginger tea and ginger nuts: I am finding it hard to tolerate the smell of any herbal teas (so much so I wonder whether I will ever be able to enjoy one again). Ginger nuts are great for baking (as we all know from lesson number 79). But, whether or not they help with nausea, I just haven’t a clue. It would help if I actually ate one when I felt nauseous rather than just when I felt hungry. 

10)  Brow Zings: I’ll tell you when my eyebrows fall out!

The cancer kit list of tips and suggestions is coming, but there is one tip I want to add in for now. Plan in something that makes chemo day a day to look forward to rather than fear. For me, that means baking for the cancer unit so I feel excited about giving something back. I’m also so busy thinking about what ginger chemo cookie (or gingerbread) to bake next, I momentarily forget about the drugs making a beeline for my veins. It certainly works for me, and I hope it will work for you too.

This week it’s out with the old and in with the new. Let’s hope both the drugs and the new sofa are a welcome addition to our little London life.