The trouble with attending a hospital appointment on your own (don’t worry, I am not throwing caution to the wind after lesson number one, these are very routine appointments), is that you have no one to cover you if you need to pop to the loo. That’s why, I spent the best part of my 90-minute wait on Monday working out the best time to take the chance – only to realise it takes less than a minute to get back in the waiting room if you’re focused.
The reason for this latest waiting room visit was to meet the plastic surgeon and discuss reconstruction phase two. Phase two is, of course, the ‘return of the nipple’, if we see phase one as ‘destruction of the boob’. That was my understanding of the meeting anyway, so I was amused when the registrar took one look at me and asked me how the chemo was going! And I thought I actually had a bit of hair.
Now we are onto the cosmetic side of the job, I am finding it hard to treat the whole thing as surgery. I diligently took my top off on demand and smiled as we went through the usual: ‘we can tidy it up of you’d like to look even on both sides’. My stock reply tends to be: ‘I am very happy with my set (asymmetrical as they are) and I wouldn’t consider another general anaesthetic at this stage. Plus, the right one will grow and shrink as my weight fluctuates, so I will always be pretty lopsided.’ It is very kind that plastic surgeons don’t want me to be wonky, but I am just happy to be here – imperfections and all! Trust me, if they fix the boobs, their perfection would just look out of place.
I did consider stopping without a nipple given I am happy with my fleshy mound. But, I feel like the journey won’t be complete without finishing it off. It will be a permanent ‘outie’, so I think it will be padded bras all the way after surgery. It will also be tattooed so that it matches the left side.
Today was quite interesting in terms of reconstruction options. It seems there are two ways to reconstruct the nipple (or should I say we only discussed two). The first is a local flap, created using existing skin attached to the reconstructed breast. The only downside it seems is the fact that it would leave a little scarring to the sides of the nipple, but this would be covered up by the final tattooing stage of the process, Yes, I didn’t think it was enough to get radiotherapy tattoos. Now I want to tattoo my boob.
The second option is to remove skin from another area of the body to create the ‘protrusion’ (sounds a bit scientific for a boobie). The downside to this procedure is the fact that there would be two wound sites and the fact the grafted skin may not take to its new home.
For me, this didn’t feel like decision that would be hard to make. I have opted for the local flap and will take the extra scarring! I don’t fancy carving up any other body part for an extra bit of skin. It is already part belly. It certainly doesn’t need to be part anything else.
So, in six months time (you have to wait for the boob to settle after radiotherapy), I will, at last, complete my reconstruction. It’s a local anaesthetic. It’s a quick procedure. And I would bet money on it being one of the strangest experiences of my entire life. (I must admit, the consultation was pretty funny, with the highlight being the young doctor poking my boob with this finger to point out the position of the nipple. I kept thinking to myself, I haven’t been nippleless that long!)
It certainly is amazing to see what these plastic surgeons can do. I just never thought they’d be doing them to me!